Confessions….

These are some of the confessions

I sent her that mail!!
I was searching in my mailbox to find the first mail she sent me , the antenna night mai!!
I was reading it as if for the first time
It has been going on ma mind for a couple of days with her opening it up again and with this old mail issue so I decided to send her a mail!!
Thoughts in ma head that I can’t think anymore!!!


It was that time when I lost all faith in You , I said it even loud “ I don’t believe in You “…
Maybe it was because of her, maybe because of my weakness …
Yet You were still loving and saying it clearly in that day ….You can’t do anything without my will, You need me to believe in You!!!


I strayed again and denied Your existence, jus like what he did that other day
Again, You approach me with Your extravagant love asking “Do you love me?!!”
I stand speechless…that specific day I was so down and was waiting for You to talk and You did talk so clear and loud!!


Ok it was a nice message but that wasn’t the best day!!
I saw her!!!
After all that time I saw her and I wish I didn’t!!
When we came to talk for 2 minutes I jus wanted some clarifications about things I can’t interpret in a right way, simply she cut it short to claim my points as delusions of my mind!!!
I was feeling blue as they say!!!
Why does she insist every day that passes to make me more tough and emotionless??!!


It went worse and worse with her giving me that painkiller again!!
“Can I see you today urgently? “
Still I can’t believe her reasons
Simply speaking he is in her life therefore I can’t be in her life!!
It jus aroused these questions inside of me!!


Couple of days after I go back to my delusions and leave you, yet you don’t leave me!!
You send the same message as before “Do you love me??!!!”
This time I stand speechless as before …


“For the Love of Christ compels us!!” …. 2 Corinthians 5


Couple of days ago you pissed me off literally!!!
I was putting myself in his shoes and trying to live these moments in his place!!
It wasn’t the best moments!!
Look at his looks and look at your attitude!!!
Why did it become like this??!!!!
You should give them more care!!!


Asking myself why me?
Why am I the source of love, care, support, help, wisdom, advice?
Why am I helping her?
Why am I helping him?
Am I lost in here?
Who is there to help me when I need one?
I am empty now, I have nothing to give
How can I go on?!!
I need a break here!!!!
I feel so alone here!!!
Why are You so far away ??!!


Your illness brought back to me shadows of the past
“Pain comes and goes like waves!!”….he said
I can’t bear seeing you like this
I wonder what is behind all this?!!
“I don’t want to live in this pain…”…you said


Give me a break here with all these messages!!!
Mk 2: 1-12
I know now that I am part of the problem …
I need Your spirit to strengthen me….


It was the answer to the question
Am I interested to please me or to please You?!?
It was a normal result to the state I am in now
I need to regain my vision
I need You
“Turn thou us unto thee, O LORD, and we shall be turned; renew our days as of
Old.” Lamentations 5:21