+ Faking : like Jacob who faked his identity to steal the blessing ...I am stealing attention ,friendship, honor...all that by faking a false identity..
+ Faking: I keep thinking of the article that said that spirituality is a genetic thing...according to community and social circle you live in....do I love God coz I have to love him to survive in such communities ( choir..church..service)...would I have loved Him if not raised in that house , family , community ??!!
+ What if I was not that spiritual...would others be attracted...would she have trusted me as a best friend...would they have accepted me....I remembered his comment in the pub in DXB." He has that look of Jesus!!"....i guess at the end it is all about spirituality...either fake or real true one...no one is a pure case...u have a percentage of both...remains the questions ;which percentage is higher ??!!!
+ Her answer " dunno" awakened old memories that I tried to bury deep inside of me ....delivered the same message I had from an old friend before on the day that we had to cut the friendship " please don contact me or call me...it is unhealthy for me "...same message different persons
+ The old inner me is rising...I look to what others do and wanna be in their place...deep inside I wanna go...I don wanna be the quite simple wise me...I wanna go wild.... !!!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Faking !!
I came through this shocking yet true article about faking !!
This is the main article and this is the comment of the "Experimental Theology Blog" that I follow
From faking love to faking motherhood....goes down to faking faith and faking Christianity.....
Some fake for social reasons ....others fake for business reasons.....different reasons yet same fake mask that we put on....
I can't but admit that I FAKE !!
I can fake the love I give to others...
I fake many things...putting that mask and turning to the "Fake Me"
It shows from the number of comments on the mail article on "Freakonomics Blog" that this is a real alerting issue (180 comments in 2 days!!)
I liked that comment
"But I also wonder if the pressure isn't on all of us to fake it from time to time. If not for play dates, then for other things: finding a spouse, having a social life, maintaining a political office, satisfying parents, satisfying the requirements of a religion-affiliated school, getting business referrals, etc."
what about you....
Do you fake your faith ...do you fake your spirituality??!!
This is the main article and this is the comment of the "Experimental Theology Blog" that I follow
From faking love to faking motherhood....goes down to faking faith and faking Christianity.....
Some fake for social reasons ....others fake for business reasons.....different reasons yet same fake mask that we put on....
I can't but admit that I FAKE !!
I can fake the love I give to others...
I fake many things...putting that mask and turning to the "Fake Me"
It shows from the number of comments on the mail article on "Freakonomics Blog" that this is a real alerting issue (180 comments in 2 days!!)
I liked that comment
"But I also wonder if the pressure isn't on all of us to fake it from time to time. If not for play dates, then for other things: finding a spouse, having a social life, maintaining a political office, satisfying parents, satisfying the requirements of a religion-affiliated school, getting business referrals, etc."
what about you....
Do you fake your faith ...do you fake your spirituality??!!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I miss....
I miss a friend..
I miss a place...
I miss a community...
I miss a country...
I miss a road...
I miss a room...
I miss a family...
I miss the old me..
I miss her...
I miss you...
I miss me
I miss a place...
I miss a community...
I miss a country...
I miss a road...
I miss a room...
I miss a family...
I miss the old me..
I miss her...
I miss you...
I miss me
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Old thoughts....Aftermath : Complete Story
Some old thoughts....
Seems like the shadows of aftermath are back...
Aftermath... "She said" :
+ I f you don't feel like doing these things now then don't ...let your self be free to do what is needed , not what is imposed on...
+ You tend to exaggerate things and take the dark side of things...being extremist won't help you much
+ You may think that talking won't be useful but it may be positive and relieveing you from a burden...
+ Just do what you feel and what you want...you want to take a book a go outside in a quiet place to read, do so ....you want to stay alone with no friend and focus more on the piano, do so ....you want to see a friend and go spend sometime then at last minute you felt like staying alone , stay alone............
+ You still can fulfill the messages that God gave you ...
+Looking at the dark side and exaggerating makes you put your state in big expressions and words of big meaning which is not the best case....
Aftermath....Sacrifices:
+ All the sacrifices you have made for me can never be forgotten.........sacrificing even the time you spend with your family or the time when you rest....maybe I have never told you that I appreciate all these sacrifices and can't thank you enough for it...
+ Seems I was the sacrifice to make all parties happy....It sounds strange how could she just give up on me so easily and accept the state of me as a sacrifice...I wonder ?!!
+ I had to sacrifice many times...willingly or unwillingly I had to sacrifice...I had to avoid any trouble...maybe I wished to be there....but I had to sacrifice !!
+"Revenge is best served Cold ..!!!"
Aftermath....Christmas !!:
+ Christmas in Egypt for the last couple of years holds bad memories...It reminds me of her...it reminds me of my failure...it reminds me of fake....
+Like every Christmas...I saw her in the carols when I least expected to see her....She was there just in front of me...every now and then looking back at me with that look that penetrates deep in my heart awakening every deep sleepy wound...
+I couldn't be there with you ...part of me wanted to stay despite all the contradictions....part of me wanted to be there just to enjoy your presence .....But ,I can't afford to bring you any trouble...A shadow I am and a shadow I will remain...
+"Dear God; why do you have to bring Christmas always in the time when I am so down...when I can't find what is cheering people ....I find all people around me faking smiles and singing carols of the tongue not of the heart...I can't attain that ....can you bring your special smile to my face...can you help me ?!!
Aftermath...She III:
+ It is so hard for me to keep on stealing these moments while others can have it so easily.....I wish the day would come when I can enjoy a moment of not stealing....a moment of reality.....
+ It is difficult to think that soon it will be me with him...He is great , he is skilled ...yet it is him at the end !!
I will be like a sample under observation....my actions...my speech....my calls....
I believe he will try to find out what is the thing in me that is the reason for all that attraction
+Me , him , her......a difficult combination that I can't think of ....There is something (or somethings) that makes me uncomfortable with him...specially when it comes to her...
+I believe that also he will be under my observation as they say "24/7"....I will not leave him until I find out that thing that keeps me uncomfortable with him....
+Is it the same case for me and him....are they the same circumstances....what is similar....what is different ??!!
+Different issues , same fact ...."I may like or not like your community ...I may or may not feel comfortable with your friends...yet I love you and I have yo respect your community and friends"
Aftermath...God :
+ I am sorry God...I failed to pass the test of thanksgiving , test of love , test of forgiveness , test of faith& trust , test
+I am sorry I failed to graduate...I failed to abide in you and fulfill your repeated message...
+I am sorry I lost my faith in you and in the power of prayers..
+I am sorry I lost love to everyone...I can't forgive anymore..
+Help me regain all what I lost...Help me regain my peace
Aftermath...She II :
+ It is at somepoint that there will be a conflict ....different growing environments , different habits and culture will generate a thin line that I must be very careful when dealing with.......what I see as strange or fake ...she enjoys
+ It had been that moment when I felt I am a thief...I am stealing moments from her life......."watch out as .... may be attending here"....then for heaven's sake why am I here ??!!!
+I may like or not like your community ...I may like or not like your friends...yet I love you and respect your community and friends.
Aftermath…She:
+ Everywhere I go, everything I do reminds me of you….streets, cafes, restaurants,….I know it may sound insane but it is the truth
+ Memories: I do have these shots of memories that comes and goes in waves of 2 incidents that I can never forget; the day I saw you crying when I was informed that I am no more in NSN and the day when I was jus pissed off from everything and got all what is inside in form of words……..
+ Hibernation: Being so helpless and useless, I decided to take a side of silence
I have been there to help , care , love , ….Now I can’t even bear my self , I can’t help my self , I can’t cheer my self…..I am weak
I lost the vision and the heart.. A seed of hatred has taken place and am struggling with it now.
I thank God you are the only land till now that this seed didn’t touch.
I think that if I can’t help now …at least I ought not to double your burdens.
I know you will come to me saying “what are friends for and ….”
But…I love you to the extent that I don’t want you to carry my burden....I don’t want you to care for my sorrows
+ “Please don’t say your faith…you helped me gain my faith back”….
Seems like the shadows of aftermath are back...
Aftermath... "She said" :
+ I f you don't feel like doing these things now then don't ...let your self be free to do what is needed , not what is imposed on...
+ You tend to exaggerate things and take the dark side of things...being extremist won't help you much
+ You may think that talking won't be useful but it may be positive and relieveing you from a burden...
+ Just do what you feel and what you want...you want to take a book a go outside in a quiet place to read, do so ....you want to stay alone with no friend and focus more on the piano, do so ....you want to see a friend and go spend sometime then at last minute you felt like staying alone , stay alone............
+ You still can fulfill the messages that God gave you ...
+Looking at the dark side and exaggerating makes you put your state in big expressions and words of big meaning which is not the best case....
Aftermath....Sacrifices:
+ All the sacrifices you have made for me can never be forgotten.........sacrificing even the time you spend with your family or the time when you rest....maybe I have never told you that I appreciate all these sacrifices and can't thank you enough for it...
+ Seems I was the sacrifice to make all parties happy....It sounds strange how could she just give up on me so easily and accept the state of me as a sacrifice...I wonder ?!!
+ I had to sacrifice many times...willingly or unwillingly I had to sacrifice...I had to avoid any trouble...maybe I wished to be there....but I had to sacrifice !!
+"Revenge is best served Cold ..!!!"
Aftermath....Christmas !!:
+ Christmas in Egypt for the last couple of years holds bad memories...It reminds me of her...it reminds me of my failure...it reminds me of fake....
+Like every Christmas...I saw her in the carols when I least expected to see her....She was there just in front of me...every now and then looking back at me with that look that penetrates deep in my heart awakening every deep sleepy wound...
+I couldn't be there with you ...part of me wanted to stay despite all the contradictions....part of me wanted to be there just to enjoy your presence .....But ,I can't afford to bring you any trouble...A shadow I am and a shadow I will remain...
+"Dear God; why do you have to bring Christmas always in the time when I am so down...when I can't find what is cheering people ....I find all people around me faking smiles and singing carols of the tongue not of the heart...I can't attain that ....can you bring your special smile to my face...can you help me ?!!
Aftermath...She III:
+ It is so hard for me to keep on stealing these moments while others can have it so easily.....I wish the day would come when I can enjoy a moment of not stealing....a moment of reality.....
+ It is difficult to think that soon it will be me with him...He is great , he is skilled ...yet it is him at the end !!
I will be like a sample under observation....my actions...my speech....my calls....
I believe he will try to find out what is the thing in me that is the reason for all that attraction
+Me , him , her......a difficult combination that I can't think of ....There is something (or somethings) that makes me uncomfortable with him...specially when it comes to her...
+I believe that also he will be under my observation as they say "24/7"....I will not leave him until I find out that thing that keeps me uncomfortable with him....
+Is it the same case for me and him....are they the same circumstances....what is similar....what is different ??!!
+Different issues , same fact ...."I may like or not like your community ...I may or may not feel comfortable with your friends...yet I love you and I have yo respect your community and friends"
Aftermath...God :
+ I am sorry God...I failed to pass the test of thanksgiving , test of love , test of forgiveness , test of faith& trust , test
+I am sorry I failed to graduate...I failed to abide in you and fulfill your repeated message...
+I am sorry I lost my faith in you and in the power of prayers..
+I am sorry I lost love to everyone...I can't forgive anymore..
+Help me regain all what I lost...Help me regain my peace
Aftermath...She II :
+ It is at somepoint that there will be a conflict ....different growing environments , different habits and culture will generate a thin line that I must be very careful when dealing with.......what I see as strange or fake ...she enjoys
+ It had been that moment when I felt I am a thief...I am stealing moments from her life......."watch out as .... may be attending here"....then for heaven's sake why am I here ??!!!
+I may like or not like your community ...I may like or not like your friends...yet I love you and respect your community and friends.
Aftermath…She:
+ Everywhere I go, everything I do reminds me of you….streets, cafes, restaurants,….I know it may sound insane but it is the truth
+ Memories: I do have these shots of memories that comes and goes in waves of 2 incidents that I can never forget; the day I saw you crying when I was informed that I am no more in NSN and the day when I was jus pissed off from everything and got all what is inside in form of words……..
+ Hibernation: Being so helpless and useless, I decided to take a side of silence
I have been there to help , care , love , ….Now I can’t even bear my self , I can’t help my self , I can’t cheer my self…..I am weak
I lost the vision and the heart.. A seed of hatred has taken place and am struggling with it now.
I thank God you are the only land till now that this seed didn’t touch.
I think that if I can’t help now …at least I ought not to double your burdens.
I know you will come to me saying “what are friends for and ….”
But…I love you to the extent that I don’t want you to carry my burden....I don’t want you to care for my sorrows
+ “Please don’t say your faith…you helped me gain my faith back”….
Monday, February 15, 2010
Thoughts .....Adaptation vs Mutation...
It is that thin line that is between mutation and adaptation...
Adaptation is a phase that happens every now and then when there is a change in environment , culture , ....
Mutation is the phase when the new surroundings have a major effect on changing the core of you...
Sometimes it is difficult to differentiate between mutation and adaptation...
Sometimes adaptation turns to mutation without you even noticing ...
Sometimes the adaptation level is not as required( or as expected) by those around you ...
Sometimes the tolerance level doesn't allow adaptation to be fully achieved...
Many factors that takes place in the adaptation phase that doesn't make it so easy to judge on the success of such a process...
Between keeping the core and mutation...remains the true essence of adaptation !!
Adaptation is a phase that happens every now and then when there is a change in environment , culture , ....
Mutation is the phase when the new surroundings have a major effect on changing the core of you...
Sometimes it is difficult to differentiate between mutation and adaptation...
Sometimes adaptation turns to mutation without you even noticing ...
Sometimes the adaptation level is not as required( or as expected) by those around you ...
Sometimes the tolerance level doesn't allow adaptation to be fully achieved...
Many factors that takes place in the adaptation phase that doesn't make it so easy to judge on the success of such a process...
Between keeping the core and mutation...remains the true essence of adaptation !!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Scent of the past....
the scent of her perfume sticking to ma skin ...
I keep recalling that very short conversation while Josh voice reaching to ma inner me "Per te Per te "
"Happy late birthday..." she said
I pretend with that simple smile that am OK ..."Hope you are doing well ....thanks ..."
Looking deep in her eyes ..I scream so silently "Don't try to fix me am not broken !!"
I keep asking myself "God , why do You make me bump into her that accidenlty more frequently ??!!"
I wondered what if she had never seen me today...I guess she would have never called to share the greeting ...simple !!
Josh still singing....."Darò tutto l'amore che ho per te"
Thoughts blasting ma brain...
Josh next song plays bringing a simple answer that ends everything ....
"She's out of my life"
I keep recalling that very short conversation while Josh voice reaching to ma inner me "Per te Per te "
"Happy late birthday..." she said
I pretend with that simple smile that am OK ..."Hope you are doing well ....thanks ..."
Looking deep in her eyes ..I scream so silently "Don't try to fix me am not broken !!"
I keep asking myself "God , why do You make me bump into her that accidenlty more frequently ??!!"
I wondered what if she had never seen me today...I guess she would have never called to share the greeting ...simple !!
Josh still singing....."Darò tutto l'amore che ho per te"
Thoughts blasting ma brain...
Josh next song plays bringing a simple answer that ends everything ....
"She's out of my life"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
