You never know how something is so important for you until you feel you are almost losing it....
At this point you begin to realise...
You begin to see and know...
You know that nothing is granted forever..
You thank God for His gifts n blessings !!!
Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
What is it that you miss the most ?
"What is it that you miss the most ?" ...she asked
It took me a while to answer...
Looking back at this exact time of the year one year ago ..
I was there..
What I miss the most ??
The spirit ...
I miss that spirit of freedom , that spirit of love , that spirit serving !!
I miss freedom ...
"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32
I knew the Truth , and the Truth did set me free !!
It was a strange kind of freedom !!
Having nothing in your mind other than Jesus and the happy times to spend with Him !!
Nothing to disturb you or make you think alot
No relations , friendships , money , job , family , possesions , outings , shopping , ......NOTHING !!!
It is jus you , mother nature and Him !!
What I miss the most ?
I miss that feeling that I had every morning wondering what great things Jesus would do today and how would He use me amazingly in that day !!!
I miss the feeling of His presence all the time !!
I miss the times we used to laugh and had lots of fun with Him laughing with us and sharing with us these amazing times by His amazing presence !!!
I miss it all the time ...
Specially when I see these days and how am doing and take a look 1 year back !!
How could 1 year make that difference !!
BUT ...
You are always here :)
I am on ma way to reknow the Truth ....
To make the Truth set me free ....
It took me a while to answer...
Looking back at this exact time of the year one year ago ..
I was there..
What I miss the most ??
The spirit ...
I miss that spirit of freedom , that spirit of love , that spirit serving !!
I miss freedom ...
"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32
I knew the Truth , and the Truth did set me free !!
It was a strange kind of freedom !!
Having nothing in your mind other than Jesus and the happy times to spend with Him !!
Nothing to disturb you or make you think alot
No relations , friendships , money , job , family , possesions , outings , shopping , ......NOTHING !!!
It is jus you , mother nature and Him !!
What I miss the most ?
I miss that feeling that I had every morning wondering what great things Jesus would do today and how would He use me amazingly in that day !!!
I miss the feeling of His presence all the time !!
I miss the times we used to laugh and had lots of fun with Him laughing with us and sharing with us these amazing times by His amazing presence !!!
I miss it all the time ...
Specially when I see these days and how am doing and take a look 1 year back !!
How could 1 year make that difference !!
BUT ...
You are always here :)
I am on ma way to reknow the Truth ....
To make the Truth set me free ....
Friday, June 27, 2008
You exist...They exist ...It exists ....!!!
You are there God....
You were always there ...
For the last couple of weeks I thought You were gone !!
Maybe You were busy managing the universe..!!
I couldn't feel Your presence anywhere , in anything , with anyone !!
I had really hard time ...
The funny thing about it is that I knew that the solution to everything is You and I kept advising people about that while I was totally far away from You !!!
I knew the medicine and I didnt take it !!
I though it was the end !!
BUT
You came to calm ma storm !!
I was thinking of one word she said before and thought how would it apply with You !!
" Howa ana hont 3alik ?!!"...she asked and I also asked
Recently I've lost ma piece of mind and ma inner piece ...
Anything small could disturb me ...
Many things were going wrong in ma life
Then you came quietly calming ma storm and fixing everything !!
You gave me back my value !!
My value is in You and not in relations, emotions, talents or even friends !!!
I need Your spirit to dwell in me !!
Calm all the storms around me !!
They exist ...!!!
These people are not in ma dreams only but they are reality !!
When I met them I could feel it ...they are free spirits !!
Free spirits that have their freedom in You ...
You gave these spirits their freedom , You created them free spirits ...
You created me a free spirit also !!
For a free spirit to survive in this world without You is equal to death ...
I thank you for making me see that there are free spirits these days ..
That there are people who really love you from all their hearts ..
Spirits that are willing to give up everything and do anything crazy for You , with You ..
It exists ..
The dream exists ..
I am not the only one to have that dream ..
That dream exists..
I though that I lost that dream for sometime
I thought I lost the vision also
I lost the dream coz I wasnt seeing you
Without You there is no dream !!
I know that the dream was always there and will always be there !!
It just needs to be in Your hands ..
"What is more important , the dream or the dreamgiver ??!!"...she asked
I know that the dream is there coz there is a dreamgiver
Without the dreamgiver , there is no dream !!
You were always there ...
For the last couple of weeks I thought You were gone !!
Maybe You were busy managing the universe..!!
I couldn't feel Your presence anywhere , in anything , with anyone !!
I had really hard time ...
The funny thing about it is that I knew that the solution to everything is You and I kept advising people about that while I was totally far away from You !!!
I knew the medicine and I didnt take it !!
I though it was the end !!
BUT
You came to calm ma storm !!
I was thinking of one word she said before and thought how would it apply with You !!
" Howa ana hont 3alik ?!!"...she asked and I also asked
Recently I've lost ma piece of mind and ma inner piece ...
Anything small could disturb me ...
Many things were going wrong in ma life
Then you came quietly calming ma storm and fixing everything !!
You gave me back my value !!
My value is in You and not in relations, emotions, talents or even friends !!!
I need Your spirit to dwell in me !!
Calm all the storms around me !!
They exist ...!!!
These people are not in ma dreams only but they are reality !!
When I met them I could feel it ...they are free spirits !!
Free spirits that have their freedom in You ...
You gave these spirits their freedom , You created them free spirits ...
You created me a free spirit also !!
For a free spirit to survive in this world without You is equal to death ...
I thank you for making me see that there are free spirits these days ..
That there are people who really love you from all their hearts ..
Spirits that are willing to give up everything and do anything crazy for You , with You ..
It exists ..
The dream exists ..
I am not the only one to have that dream ..
That dream exists..
I though that I lost that dream for sometime
I thought I lost the vision also
I lost the dream coz I wasnt seeing you
Without You there is no dream !!
I know that the dream was always there and will always be there !!
It just needs to be in Your hands ..
"What is more important , the dream or the dreamgiver ??!!"...she asked
I know that the dream is there coz there is a dreamgiver
Without the dreamgiver , there is no dream !!
Monday, June 23, 2008
Some feelings...
Happiness....
A feeling that I thought I lost for sometime
BUT
It was always there !!
When I have friends who can cheer me up when am totally down...
When I know that am blessed...
When I know that ma presence here is a part of His plan !!
When I figure out that there is someone who trusts me coz God gave me grace in his eyes...coz that is the gift God gave me ... !!!
When I know that am not alone and there is someone supporting me all the time...
I should look around to find happiness there , jus waiting for me :)
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Book Of Darkness...Chapter 4 ....
My Value....
Where do I find ma value ?!!
In a person ?
In a relation ?
In a place ?
In a job ?
In a country ?
In a feeling ?
In a moment ?
In a talent ?
What is missing here ?!!
It's all a part of the book of darkness
Where do I find ma value ?!!
In a person ?
In a relation ?
In a place ?
In a job ?
In a country ?
In a feeling ?
In a moment ?
In a talent ?
What is missing here ?!!
It's all a part of the book of darkness
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Her answer….
“Why do you trust me that much, although we jus knew each other??!! “…I asked
It took her a while to answer
It struck her for the first time that she had trusted me so far…
She began rethinking and revising all what happened and how we met for the first time…
Then she answered ….
“When I met you I had this feeling as if I had a scanner that scanned you in the depths and found something so special, something so pure and something strange but good…!” she answered……
She trusts me so fully…..she trusts me more than me trusting maself !!
Then what….
Am I worthy of that trust ?
Am I a trustworthy person ?
It took her a while to answer
It struck her for the first time that she had trusted me so far…
She began rethinking and revising all what happened and how we met for the first time…
Then she answered ….
“When I met you I had this feeling as if I had a scanner that scanned you in the depths and found something so special, something so pure and something strange but good…!” she answered……
She trusts me so fully…..she trusts me more than me trusting maself !!
Then what….
Am I worthy of that trust ?
Am I a trustworthy person ?
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Thoughts in ma head ….so I can’t trust ma self anymore!!!
Thoughts in ma head !!
Everything and anything…
Death…they had a car accident and all of them died…
Illness….I was in that hospital very sick and dying
Love…..I finally met her….
God…why are You so ignoring me so lately??
Work….can’t prove ma existence…so worthless…
Dream…do I have a real one to achieve…
Music…can I really put all ma heart in one thing and succeed in it?!!
Friends….simple things such as that surprise would make ma day really …!!!
Photography…..that scene that I captured with ma eye and memorized in ma mind…
Can't Sleep...
Thoughts strugglin in ma head ...killin me
Everything and anything…
Death…they had a car accident and all of them died…
Illness….I was in that hospital very sick and dying
Love…..I finally met her….
God…why are You so ignoring me so lately??
Work….can’t prove ma existence…so worthless…
Dream…do I have a real one to achieve…
Music…can I really put all ma heart in one thing and succeed in it?!!
Friends….simple things such as that surprise would make ma day really …!!!
Photography…..that scene that I captured with ma eye and memorized in ma mind…
Can't Sleep...
Thoughts strugglin in ma head ...killin me
Vacuum....
The nothingness inside of me
The vacuum am living in
The emptiness surrounding me
So hollow inside …
I can’t feel it anymore
Can’t feel love , peace , happiness
All these emotions that I used to know ….
I can’t feel anything anymore
“Can’t find yourself…lost in your life “ ….Evanescence
Everybody’s fool …
That’s me in the mean time
Doing total nothing other than pleasing people
I can’t find someone to trust
I can’t someone whom I can feel comfortable and peaceful in his presence
I need it so much …
I need a big hug from someone who really loves me for the sake of being me
Who loves me from the bottom of his heart!!!
Who really cares for me
Who love me real love
Whom I can trust
Who can take me out to the real world …outta that vacuum
The vacuum am living in
The emptiness surrounding me
So hollow inside …
I can’t feel it anymore
Can’t feel love , peace , happiness
All these emotions that I used to know ….
I can’t feel anything anymore
“Can’t find yourself…lost in your life “ ….Evanescence
Everybody’s fool …
That’s me in the mean time
Doing total nothing other than pleasing people
I can’t find someone to trust
I can’t someone whom I can feel comfortable and peaceful in his presence
I need it so much …
I need a big hug from someone who really loves me for the sake of being me
Who loves me from the bottom of his heart!!!
Who really cares for me
Who love me real love
Whom I can trust
Who can take me out to the real world …outta that vacuum
Saturday, June 7, 2008
My Dream…..Her Vision….
She has a dream …
She has a vision …..
“We live life once…so why waste it??
Why not enjoy doing things that we like?!!
If I don’t study music and enjoy doing the only thing in life that I enjoy …when shall I do that??!!” ….she said
Art…theories of music…piano…Italian language
All these are keywords in the life of a musician…
She left her job …
She has a plan ….
She is making her dream a reality
She is taking clear steps…
It is now or never …!!
I wish I can have any steps taken to make my dream a reality
BUT
Before that, I should know what my dream is!!
I can’t find my dream…
Every time I think that I recognized my dream , it turns out to be an illusion …
I wanna have a vision , a dream
I envy her really…she is amazing and fulfilling her dream !!
Dedicated to the soul of every artist …
The soul that struggles to come out to the light …
She has a vision …..
“We live life once…so why waste it??
Why not enjoy doing things that we like?!!
If I don’t study music and enjoy doing the only thing in life that I enjoy …when shall I do that??!!” ….she said
Art…theories of music…piano…Italian language
All these are keywords in the life of a musician…
She left her job …
She has a plan ….
She is making her dream a reality
She is taking clear steps…
It is now or never …!!
I wish I can have any steps taken to make my dream a reality
BUT
Before that, I should know what my dream is!!
I can’t find my dream…
Every time I think that I recognized my dream , it turns out to be an illusion …
I wanna have a vision , a dream
I envy her really…she is amazing and fulfilling her dream !!
Dedicated to the soul of every artist …
The soul that struggles to come out to the light …
Monday, June 2, 2008
...even in ma dreams...
A dream it was...
Even in that dream...
I was chased by everyone....
The police....the intelligence...the agency...my friends...my family !!!
I was seeking a shelter in ma home...but even that wasn't a safe house...they found me there...
It is a very bad feeling when you seek protection and shelter with your family and friends ..BUT...you are not safe !!!
There was that woman drivin that 4*4 ..she was familiar for me but I can't remember...on the borders I was caught by the guards ....
I was in that african town and I was disguised as a niqab veiled woman...BUT...they found me...
Even Abouna my friend coudn't protect me...
even in the dream I can't have peace of mind...I can't feel safe !!
Even in that dream...
I was chased by everyone....
The police....the intelligence...the agency...my friends...my family !!!
I was seeking a shelter in ma home...but even that wasn't a safe house...they found me there...
It is a very bad feeling when you seek protection and shelter with your family and friends ..BUT...you are not safe !!!
There was that woman drivin that 4*4 ..she was familiar for me but I can't remember...on the borders I was caught by the guards ....
I was in that african town and I was disguised as a niqab veiled woman...BUT...they found me...
Even Abouna my friend coudn't protect me...
even in the dream I can't have peace of mind...I can't feel safe !!
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